Hey, Self,

You should probably go pack and then go to bed.


No. I don't wanna.

Hey, Self,

How 'bout you go to bed and get up before noon tomorrow?

No. I don't have class tomorrow and I'm not tired.

Dear Self,

Being bitter is no way to attract people.

Love,
Self

Dear Self,

Don't read regretsy.com while eating. There's some fucked up shit on that site.

Love,
Self

Dear Self,

MIKA is your happy music. Any time you find yourself being unnecessarily grumpy, put MIKA on.

Love,
Self

Dear Self,

Just be a hermit for the rest of your life. Things are much easier that way.

Love,
Self

Hey, Self,

How 'bout you pop a cough drop, grab a book, climb into bed, and read until you fall asleep?

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon comes on in an hour. No.

Dear Self,

FYI - food is kinda necessary for life. You should probably eat more often. Just sayin'.

Love,
Self

Dear Self,

It's time to bring out the security blanket and comfort food - AKA, Ted Leo and the Pharmacists.

Love,
Self

Dear Self,

Okay. Yeah. No more MIKA.

Love,
Self

Dear Self,

Maybe you should think about listening to something else other than MIKA.

No? Okay.

Love,
Self

Dear Self,

It's time to cut you off. No more Twitter or Facebook for the rest of the night. Read a book.

Love,
Self

Dear Self,

It would be wonderful if you could remember how to fall asleep. That would make getting up when your alarm goes off much more do-able.

Love,
Self

Dear Self,

Contrary to what you may think, tearing out your uterus will NOT make you feel better. It will make you feel WORSE.

Love,
Self

Dear Self,

WAKE. UP.

Love,
Self

Dear Self,

Next time, don't eat the waffle so quickly.

Love,
Self

Dear Self,

Coffee makes everything exponentially better. Keep this in mind.

Love,
Self

Dear Self,

"Atrocious" is an underused and under-appreciated word - use it more often.

Love,
Self

Dear Self,

I'll write you harmony in C, but I can guarantee you your composition teacher won't like it.

Love,
Self

Dear Self,

You are irritable. For the sake of others' physical, mental, and emotional well-being - DON'T be social.

Love,
Self

Dear Self,

OH SHIT IT'S 4:30AM GET THE FUCK TO BED AND SLEEP GODDAMMIT.

Love,
Self

Dear Self,

That sugar and caffeine at 11:30PM REALLY did not help your "Stay Diurnal!" cause.

Love,
Self

Dear Self,

The word for "not-nocturnal," is "diurnal." Not "dayturnal" as you originally thought.

Love,
Self

Dear Self,

Find out what the word for "not-nocturnal" is.

Love,
Self

Dear Self,

Eating sugar and caffeine at 11:30PM does not help your "Stay not-nocturnal" cause.

Love,
Self

Dear Self,

Stop losing your chapstick. It's not cool.

Love,
Self

Dear Self,

Popcorn that has issues popping in the microwave will have issues tasting delicious. Just FYI.

Love,
Self

Dear Self,

Drinking coffee before taking your blood pressure medication is a bad idea. Just sayin'.

Love,
Self

Dear Self,

Don't hate on the hyper-masculine, straight boys. There are so many cute lesbians that they can't have. Feel bad for them instead.

Love,
Self

Dear Self,

You are not Lucas Silveira. Do not try to sing like him. You'll hurt yourself.

Love,
Self

Dear Self,

You burnt the pizza. Don't do that - it tastes gross.

Love,
Self